midnight

it’s 11.47. 13 minutes to midnight. this sort of stuff has happened before. still, whenever it does occur again, it feels as if it's a whole new thing we’re discovering, the babies and i.

jas is dressed in a white shirt, with a tie i have forced him to remove lying somewhere in a corner. neil stares at his computer, hopefully, as if it will tell him something new tonight. i, surrounded in a haze of beer, type in my lonely spot. the bangles come on. everyone smiles. it’s a cd devoted to the 80s. an astonishing time, really, considering neil and jas and ans and thomas and i lived in it and came out unscathed, with nothing but boyish smiles to remember it by.

there are moments when neil yells in pure happiness, when a song he’s liked shouts out and surprises him. there are moment when jas smiles, happy about his decision to drink beer even though he knows it’s not the politically correct thing to do. we were never politically correct, i try and tell him. he smiles again.

the thing is, despite all the things that happen, around me, around us, at work and outside, with people dying and babies coming in when parents least expect it, there’s a certain sense of security that comes to me when i sit and swallow gallons of beer with the people i’ve known best in this lifetime. i don’t know if the beer makes me feel good. what i do know is that there are few other people on the planet i would be with tonight. and life’s too short.